1. Because my sister and cousin are a freaking comedy act;they always make me laugh.
2. My sister celebrated her entering the late 20's crowd. Happy Birthday Sista! I love you!
3. Only a few more days till I get to see my brother and meet my nephew for the first time.
4. It rained. A nice slow day for once.
5. I danced.
6. My nieces' celebrated another birthday (party) together.
7. I ate yummy food all weekend long.
8. Strangers said I was pretty.
9. My boyfriend said I looked great.
10. My boyfriend told a bunch other nice and wonderful things. And we spent a wonderful day/night laying on the couch.
4.23.2012
4.17.2012
Baby Steps...
So start anew I did or I'm trying. Although I admit it's a little hard because it also means that you must change a little yourself, nonetheless I am trying. I am committed to making my relationship the best it can be.
I spent the entire weekend with P, just us two. No gadgets of any sorts, laptops, phone, nada. Sometimes these things, although helpful, can be a major distraction. A distraction from people who are seeking your attention.
Friday we went to the bookstore and spent a majority of the night there. Afterwards we drove around looking at houses, pointing out the ones we liked.
Saturday we went to the Japanese Cherry Blossom Festival in DC. It was a beautiful day. Enjoyed the performances, food and most all getting to sit on the ground on Pennsylvania Ave taking it all in.
Later on that night, I must admit, we got drunk. Something I haven't done in a very long time. And we talked for hours about everything and nothing. At times P did say things that inside made me a little mad, but I didn't let it bother me. Instead it gave me some insight on how I act. Be open, without anger or judgements.
Sunday, we slept in. I always wake up much earlier than he, so I just start my slow mornings. Read my book, clean up, watch a movie, take a shower. I appreciate these moments to myself and I let him enjoy his sleep. Once he wakes up, we ran some errands together, went back home and spent the rest of the day cuddled up under blankets on the couch.
We laughed, smiled, and talked. Bliss in the simpleness. We both put in our part, a true partnership. Everyday I pray for this and everyday I will seek this happiness.
You start with baby steps.
I spent the entire weekend with P, just us two. No gadgets of any sorts, laptops, phone, nada. Sometimes these things, although helpful, can be a major distraction. A distraction from people who are seeking your attention.
Friday we went to the bookstore and spent a majority of the night there. Afterwards we drove around looking at houses, pointing out the ones we liked.
Saturday we went to the Japanese Cherry Blossom Festival in DC. It was a beautiful day. Enjoyed the performances, food and most all getting to sit on the ground on Pennsylvania Ave taking it all in.
Later on that night, I must admit, we got drunk. Something I haven't done in a very long time. And we talked for hours about everything and nothing. At times P did say things that inside made me a little mad, but I didn't let it bother me. Instead it gave me some insight on how I act. Be open, without anger or judgements.
Sunday, we slept in. I always wake up much earlier than he, so I just start my slow mornings. Read my book, clean up, watch a movie, take a shower. I appreciate these moments to myself and I let him enjoy his sleep. Once he wakes up, we ran some errands together, went back home and spent the rest of the day cuddled up under blankets on the couch.
We laughed, smiled, and talked. Bliss in the simpleness. We both put in our part, a true partnership. Everyday I pray for this and everyday I will seek this happiness.
You start with baby steps.
4.13.2012
Fresh Start...
Oh wow, I hadn't realized how long it's been since my last post. Time surely does fly. I've just been a little out of it. Allergies, personal bs, work, and stress in general. I just needed a little time to deal, which honestly didn't accomplish anything. Well que sera, sera.
Truthfully, I've been having some serious relationship issues. And I guess I'm not afraid to admit that since I know anyone whose ever been in a relationship has had an issue from time to time. And some issues, well, never really get resolved. I love P, with all my heart, but I learned a while back to love myself more. Relationships end and I will always need to have myself. No, I am not saying I am breaking up with P, but although I do love him, I can't lose sight of myself and my needs. A relationship is suppose to be a partnership and bring out the positives in each other. While still giving each other respect, love, and patience.
Lately, I think a lot of our own personal issues have resulted in us taking it out on each other, in a very sneaking way aka we won't speak to each other for no known reason. I know that I can trust P and I know that he loves me. And I love who is, is quite truly a wonderful person. However, one underlying issue has been bothering the f out of me.
You see I was raised in a family, who always hugged, played, joked, and spent time with each other, amidst all the turmoil. Sometimes we would even be sitting, laying, hanging around one bed, talking or watching TV. We are a close family - to this day we say love you's and kiss good bye. And well by what P tells me, his family was a little different. Yes, they showed each other some type of closeness, bond, and love, but differently. Let's just say that these different upbringings have caused an expectations of expressions of love to be...unequal.
P is really not that type of guy who holds hands, demonstrates loads of PDA and sometimes that's ok. But when we're alone I shouldn't damn near be afraid to touch him. He likes his personal space...a lot and again that's ok. But I sincerely believe that a relationship, of almost any sort, needs that personal touch. A mother and her newborn bond over this personal touch;it builds a close bond between the two of them. So this shouldn't be any different for a relationship between partners.
At the honeymoon part of our relationship, I remembered P would beg me to stay in bed with him for 5 more minutes before I got up for work. Now if I try to kiss him goodbye (he is sleeping by the time I leave for work) he flinches away. I know the honeymoon is over...but I wish the romance wasn't.
So I think maybe its time for a fresh start, but how do you do that in a relationship? Do you go away together for a romantic weekend, couples therapy, spend a few days a part...? What? The last thing I want is for my relationship to do is lack spark. I want us to both feel that "we couldn't live without each other" feeling everyday, even when we're mad.
Ultimately, I must propose this to P, although I might be confronted with the "everything is great. What are you talking about?" And in that case what do you when you're not even on the same page?
Yes, love is grand and beautiful, but it also takes work. Wish me luck.
Truthfully, I've been having some serious relationship issues. And I guess I'm not afraid to admit that since I know anyone whose ever been in a relationship has had an issue from time to time. And some issues, well, never really get resolved. I love P, with all my heart, but I learned a while back to love myself more. Relationships end and I will always need to have myself. No, I am not saying I am breaking up with P, but although I do love him, I can't lose sight of myself and my needs. A relationship is suppose to be a partnership and bring out the positives in each other. While still giving each other respect, love, and patience.
Lately, I think a lot of our own personal issues have resulted in us taking it out on each other, in a very sneaking way aka we won't speak to each other for no known reason. I know that I can trust P and I know that he loves me. And I love who is, is quite truly a wonderful person. However, one underlying issue has been bothering the f out of me.
You see I was raised in a family, who always hugged, played, joked, and spent time with each other, amidst all the turmoil. Sometimes we would even be sitting, laying, hanging around one bed, talking or watching TV. We are a close family - to this day we say love you's and kiss good bye. And well by what P tells me, his family was a little different. Yes, they showed each other some type of closeness, bond, and love, but differently. Let's just say that these different upbringings have caused an expectations of expressions of love to be...unequal.
P is really not that type of guy who holds hands, demonstrates loads of PDA and sometimes that's ok. But when we're alone I shouldn't damn near be afraid to touch him. He likes his personal space...a lot and again that's ok. But I sincerely believe that a relationship, of almost any sort, needs that personal touch. A mother and her newborn bond over this personal touch;it builds a close bond between the two of them. So this shouldn't be any different for a relationship between partners.
At the honeymoon part of our relationship, I remembered P would beg me to stay in bed with him for 5 more minutes before I got up for work. Now if I try to kiss him goodbye (he is sleeping by the time I leave for work) he flinches away. I know the honeymoon is over...but I wish the romance wasn't.
So I think maybe its time for a fresh start, but how do you do that in a relationship? Do you go away together for a romantic weekend, couples therapy, spend a few days a part...? What? The last thing I want is for my relationship to do is lack spark. I want us to both feel that "we couldn't live without each other" feeling everyday, even when we're mad.
Ultimately, I must propose this to P, although I might be confronted with the "everything is great. What are you talking about?" And in that case what do you when you're not even on the same page?
Yes, love is grand and beautiful, but it also takes work. Wish me luck.
3.30.2012
Finding Myself...
Yes, at 28 I still haven't really "found" myself. Most people go by titles their entire life:single, married, divorced, looking, mother, unable to have children, don't want children, stay at home mom, career woman...the list goes on.
And I'm neither of the above...and it bothers me just a little.
When I was younger, I imagined my life differently. Not that my life totally sucks now, but I did envision it differently. (Blame it on the Cinderella Complex.) Most of my friends from an earlier age are either married, engaged, have kids, are pregnant, etc. ---You get the point right?--- I'm not saying I want or don't want these things, but that's the thing...I would have thought I had that figured out by now. And I don't. The reason this bothers me so, is because I'm a control freak. I love it when plans are executed perfectly and my envisioned life plan has not been executed. Sure I should view this as an opportunity to explore, which I kinda, sorta do. But I hate been stuck in the middle, kinda in the loop of things. And it scares the crap out of me, that my life will keep changing unexpectedly. Some people get a thrill out of that, I don't.
People give that image of living the good life. Everything is perfect in their lives. They don't have bad days. -Bullsh*t! We all have them. And for me, the perfectionist, to admit that my life is a little out of control, takes a lot from me.
I know one day my life will be a little more stable, but the path to get there, is frightening. I've been through more hardships than I would care to admit, and sometimes I don't think I'm strong enough for any more. Of course, I do, but I don't want anymore of them. Not for a while anyway.
Now I'm just trying to find a way to release some of the anguish, fear, doubt, stress that I have. When I was younger I use to write...a lot. I saved all the poems that I've written over the years. But after one terrible breakup, I stopped. I didn't want to document such a pain, because I didn't want to remember it. There have been times, when I've wanted to write again, but I don't, for that simple reason. I don't want to remember.
However, last night was the first time in so many years that I actually couldn't contain the words to myself. I wrote, knowing that I would have this memory written for me to remember. But I also remembered how much better I felt afterwards. I guess this is the first step to "finding myself." Figuring out this life, my life. Trying my best to make it the best. I'm still a work in progress and that's ok.
And I'm neither of the above...and it bothers me just a little.
When I was younger, I imagined my life differently. Not that my life totally sucks now, but I did envision it differently. (Blame it on the Cinderella Complex.) Most of my friends from an earlier age are either married, engaged, have kids, are pregnant, etc. ---You get the point right?--- I'm not saying I want or don't want these things, but that's the thing...I would have thought I had that figured out by now. And I don't. The reason this bothers me so, is because I'm a control freak. I love it when plans are executed perfectly and my envisioned life plan has not been executed. Sure I should view this as an opportunity to explore, which I kinda, sorta do. But I hate been stuck in the middle, kinda in the loop of things. And it scares the crap out of me, that my life will keep changing unexpectedly. Some people get a thrill out of that, I don't.
People give that image of living the good life. Everything is perfect in their lives. They don't have bad days. -Bullsh*t! We all have them. And for me, the perfectionist, to admit that my life is a little out of control, takes a lot from me.
I know one day my life will be a little more stable, but the path to get there, is frightening. I've been through more hardships than I would care to admit, and sometimes I don't think I'm strong enough for any more. Of course, I do, but I don't want anymore of them. Not for a while anyway.
Now I'm just trying to find a way to release some of the anguish, fear, doubt, stress that I have. When I was younger I use to write...a lot. I saved all the poems that I've written over the years. But after one terrible breakup, I stopped. I didn't want to document such a pain, because I didn't want to remember it. There have been times, when I've wanted to write again, but I don't, for that simple reason. I don't want to remember.
However, last night was the first time in so many years that I actually couldn't contain the words to myself. I wrote, knowing that I would have this memory written for me to remember. But I also remembered how much better I felt afterwards. I guess this is the first step to "finding myself." Figuring out this life, my life. Trying my best to make it the best. I'm still a work in progress and that's ok.
3.23.2012
Super Easy, Quick, Yummy Burritos...
Seriously, this is the easiest and fastest dish I’ve ever made. This dish quickly became a favorite amongst my family. And it s perfect when you don’t have enough time or energy to stand over the stove for a long period of time.
1 pound of ground beef
1 can of black beans
1 jar of salsa --- I prefer the chucky salsa
Shredded Mexican Cheese --- However much you want.
1 pack of taco seasoning or you can mix in your own seasoning.
Large flour tortillas ---Burrito size. Get however many you need.
1. Cook the meat well, drain.
2. Turn the heat to medium, add the taco seasoning to the meat.
3. Add the beans (no need to drain)
4. Add the salsa.
4. Cook for another 10 minutes, stirring occasionally.
It will be a little soupy, but that’s fine….I said a little…if it’s too soupy, continue to cook until it’s not so soupy.
5. Turn off the heat, and sprinkle (or dump) shredded cheese on top of meat mixture, until nice and cheesy aka melted.
6. Add the meat mixture to the flour tortilla and roll like a burrito.
And of course you add all sorts of toppings…sour cream, lettuce, onions, peppers (onions & peppers are already in the chunky salsa, which is why I get it.) You can even add corn to the meat mixture while it’s cooking. Totally up to you.
Enjoy!
3.22.2012
Easily Startled...
I know that one day P will be my cause of death. Let me explain. I am the type of person that when I am hard at work, I am in full concentration mood. I literally zone out. Sometimes I don't even hear people speaking directly to me. I've even gotten really pissed off when people have abruptly interrupted me during this zone out time.
So since I am so zoned out P takes advantage of every opportunity to scare the living crap out of me. Mind you I already get easily startled. This is due to years of standing behind walls to scare my siblings and me walking around corners and having them scare me. So yes I am traumatized.
So I sit at the computer desk, which has my back facing P, and I'm zoned out = a perfect scare opportunity. P is such a sneaky little devil. And he always manages to sneak up behind and whispers or blows in my ears or taps me ever so lightly, thus scaring the crap out of me.
One day he will give me a heart attack. My death certificate will read "scared s**t-less" Thanks honey.
So since I am so zoned out P takes advantage of every opportunity to scare the living crap out of me. Mind you I already get easily startled. This is due to years of standing behind walls to scare my siblings and me walking around corners and having them scare me. So yes I am traumatized.
So I sit at the computer desk, which has my back facing P, and I'm zoned out = a perfect scare opportunity. P is such a sneaky little devil. And he always manages to sneak up behind and whispers or blows in my ears or taps me ever so lightly, thus scaring the crap out of me.
One day he will give me a heart attack. My death certificate will read "scared s**t-less" Thanks honey.
Forgetful...
It's a regular joke amongst my friends that I am the forget one. Maybe it has to with a lot of certain activities I did as a teenager, early set on Alzheimer, (and I'm not trying to be funny when I say that) or maybe I'm just plain forgetful. I don't know, but either way I forget a lot of stuff, like all the time.
It's no longer a joke, its a major annoyance. Sometimes I find myself forgetting how to spell words that I use commonly or know that I know but can't remember. I forget all the small things, like for instance today I typed up a blog entry on another computer but forgot to xfer to my computer. I'll forget things that people have reminded me at least twice. I'm thinking this is normal, people forget things. However, the frequency has gotten a bit excessive.
I even have a planner but I just don't write in as often as I should. I could put things on my phone, but I really don't like it. Maybe it doesn't help that all my paperwork/stuff is in between multiple places; P's house, my dad's apt, storage space, purse, car, and sometime at work. I have to reorganize my whole filing system, its just all over the place.
Or just maybe, just maybe, I have too much on my plate. Maybe I have taken on the personal duty of becoming everyone's secretary, when I should just let people take care of their own life. Or maybe because I make up extra activities for myself or make it a lot harder to complete tasks by adding additional tasks on my to do list. I have to make a to do list for my to do list.
I have to piece my life back together little by little. The clutter is starting to consume me. I will get back to my put together self again. One day...soon.
It's no longer a joke, its a major annoyance. Sometimes I find myself forgetting how to spell words that I use commonly or know that I know but can't remember. I forget all the small things, like for instance today I typed up a blog entry on another computer but forgot to xfer to my computer. I'll forget things that people have reminded me at least twice. I'm thinking this is normal, people forget things. However, the frequency has gotten a bit excessive.
I even have a planner but I just don't write in as often as I should. I could put things on my phone, but I really don't like it. Maybe it doesn't help that all my paperwork/stuff is in between multiple places; P's house, my dad's apt, storage space, purse, car, and sometime at work. I have to reorganize my whole filing system, its just all over the place.
Or just maybe, just maybe, I have too much on my plate. Maybe I have taken on the personal duty of becoming everyone's secretary, when I should just let people take care of their own life. Or maybe because I make up extra activities for myself or make it a lot harder to complete tasks by adding additional tasks on my to do list. I have to make a to do list for my to do list.
I have to piece my life back together little by little. The clutter is starting to consume me. I will get back to my put together self again. One day...soon.
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