Spring Nail Color...

I am totally obsessed with my new spring nail color! I absolutely love it! Of course spring time always brings out the bright colors and lately I've been noticing a lot of orange. Now usually I don't really ever notice the orange. It doesn't really seem to appeal to me like I don't know... reds, purples, and pinks. Yes, I am such a girl.

But I've really been liking the color orange. It looks really great! But of course I had to find a hue of orange that would kinda go with my skin color. And after buying two other bottles, that turned out more pink than orange. I found it! Thank the fashion Gods!

Tell ya the truth it reminds me of orange Kool Aid. :) And I was finding fun so I mixed it up with a little blue.  ---- Both colors brought to you by Sinful Colors - Professional. 


My Bea...

The first day I held you in my arms, your welcoming words were that you stank. Sorry, but it was true at the time. But soon I loved your fresh baby scent and I couldn't stop holding you. Even after you threw up on me. I guess that was your little revenge.

I didn't realized that you could love someone with so much heart and strength. My love for you is completely unbreakable. You started to grow so fast. Your chubby little legs, your curly black pigtails, your precious and sweet smile. Always asking for your favorite snack, ice tea and chips.

Such a funny child, many hearts you have touched, many memories complied of you. Always singing and dancing. Once you saw me crying but you didn't understand that I was not sad, I was just watching a sad movie. It didn't matter, you wanted me to happy nonetheless. You instructed me to be happy and let's take a picture. Which still stands framed for me to see.

Now you're 11. And sometimes my heart breaks a little because you're growing up so fast. You have your opinions and god grant me patience but your attitude is sometimes out of this world.

You are beautiful, smart, kind and absolutely wonderful. You still dance and sing your heart out. And when I leave you still kiss me good bye and tell me to drive safe. Not once will I ever stop loving you, after all you did teach me what love really is. Thank you.

Happy Birthday my Bea. Love you.

Your Tia Maria.

Why I Smiled...

1. Because my sister and cousin are a freaking comedy act;they always make me laugh.

2. My sister celebrated her entering the late 20's crowd. Happy Birthday Sista! I love you!

3. Only a few more days till I get to see my brother and meet my nephew for the first time.

4. It rained. A nice slow day for once.

5. I danced.

6. My nieces' celebrated another birthday (party) together.

7. I ate yummy food all weekend long.

8. Strangers said I was pretty.

9. My boyfriend said I looked great.

10. My boyfriend told a bunch other nice and wonderful things. And we spent a wonderful day/night laying on the couch.


Baby Steps...

So start anew I did or I'm trying. Although I admit it's a little hard because it also means that you must change a little yourself, nonetheless I am trying. I am committed to making my relationship the best it can be.

I spent the entire weekend with P, just us two. No gadgets of any sorts, laptops, phone, nada. Sometimes these things, although helpful, can be a major distraction. A distraction from people who are seeking your attention.

Friday we went to the bookstore and spent a majority of the night there. Afterwards we drove around looking at houses, pointing out the ones we liked.

Saturday we went to the Japanese Cherry Blossom Festival in DC. It was a beautiful day. Enjoyed the performances, food and most all getting to sit on the ground on Pennsylvania Ave taking it all in. 

Later on that night, I must admit, we got drunk. Something I haven't done in a very long time. And we talked for hours about everything and nothing. At times P did say things that inside made me a little mad, but I didn't let it bother me. Instead it gave me some insight on how I act. Be open, without anger or judgements.

Sunday, we slept in. I always wake up much earlier than he, so I just start my slow mornings. Read my book, clean up, watch a movie, take a shower. I appreciate these moments to myself and I let him enjoy his sleep. Once he wakes up, we ran some errands together, went back home and spent the rest of the day cuddled up under blankets on the couch.

We laughed, smiled, and talked. Bliss in the simpleness. We both put in our part, a true partnership. Everyday I pray for this and everyday I will seek this happiness. 

You start with baby steps.  


Fresh Start...

Oh wow, I hadn't realized how long it's been since my last post. Time surely does fly. I've just been a little out of it. Allergies, personal bs, work, and stress in general. I just needed a little time to deal, which honestly didn't accomplish anything. Well que sera, sera.
Truthfully, I've been having some serious relationship issues. And I guess I'm not afraid to admit that since I know anyone whose ever been in a relationship has had an issue from time to time. And some issues, well, never really get resolved. I love P, with all my heart, but I learned a while back to love myself more. Relationships end and I will always need to have myself. No, I am not saying I am breaking up with P, but although I do love him, I can't lose sight of myself and my needs. A relationship is suppose to be a partnership and bring out the positives in each other. While still giving each other respect, love, and patience.

Lately, I think a lot of our own personal issues have resulted in us taking it out on each other, in a very sneaking way aka we won't speak to each other for no known reason. I know that I can trust P and I know that he loves me. And I love who is, is quite truly a wonderful person. However, one underlying issue has been bothering the f out of me.

You see I was raised in a family, who always hugged, played, joked, and spent time with each other, amidst all the turmoil. Sometimes we would even be sitting, laying, hanging around one bed, talking or watching TV. We are a close family - to this day we say love you's and kiss good bye. And well by what P tells me, his family was a little different. Yes, they showed each other some type of closeness, bond, and love, but differently. Let's just say that these different upbringings have caused an expectations of expressions of love to be...unequal.

P is really not that type of guy who holds hands, demonstrates loads of PDA and sometimes that's ok. But when we're alone I shouldn't damn near be afraid to touch him. He likes his personal space...a lot and again that's ok. But I sincerely believe that a relationship, of almost any sort, needs that personal touch. A mother and her newborn bond over this personal touch;it builds a close bond between the two of them. So this shouldn't be any different for a relationship between partners.

At the honeymoon part of our relationship, I remembered P would beg me to stay in bed with him for 5 more minutes before I got up for work. Now if I try to kiss him goodbye (he is sleeping by the time I leave for work) he flinches away. I know the honeymoon is over...but I wish the romance wasn't.

So I think maybe its time for a fresh start, but how do you do that in a relationship? Do you go away together for a romantic weekend, couples therapy, spend a few days a part...? What? The last thing I want is for my relationship to do is lack spark. I want us to both feel that "we couldn't live without each other" feeling everyday, even when we're mad.

Ultimately, I must propose this to P, although I might be confronted with the "everything is great. What are you talking about?" And in that case what do you when you're not even on the same page?

Yes, love is grand and beautiful, but it also takes work. Wish me luck.