I think I just need to vent my feelings...having all this anger inside is not healthy.
Last night I received the unexpected, I was verbally insulted and disrespected in such a way that I have never experienced in all of my entire life. And from someone who admitted and repeated that they don't know anything about me, yet continued to insult me as though they did know who I am.
I was insulted about who i am as person, what life aspirations I may or may not have, down to my physical apprearance which indicted the choices and preferences of my boyfriend.
I know who I had and what I'm not. I know what I look like and nor do I wish to be upheld by others people's standards of beauty, I hold my own beauty to my own standards. And last time I checked my boyfriend knows exactly what I look like and doesn't have a single problem with it so it shouldn't bother you. Nevermind that your not my type. My true friends and family knows who I am. They know my faults and virtues. They and I know that i am truly a kind, generous, heart warming, funny, smart and beautiful person. And besides only God can truly judge me weather its your belief or not.
Who gives anyone the right or the idea that they are entitled to make judgements on other people and hold them as fact.
What I've come to learn over the years is that people judge and insult out of hatred, jealousy, personal vindication and motives. All of which are ugly aspects of humanity. Worse part of it is when asked what was the reason or what tiggered the actions, the response was simply nothing.
If you have a problem with someone or something, it can be resolved in an adult manner, and not having to result to child like tactics to achieve what you want.
Even though I have said a mouthful, in trying to release some of this anger. I feel no different, nor better or worse. Words hurt, they are remembered. But everything that I have surpassed in my life, this too will become a distant memory and another obstacle that I have overcome.
Now you will never really get to know who I am, that's too bad.
will I ever think its ok to drink...a lot on a weekday. I tried everything in my power to not be hungover.
#1 I now realize that I can't recover from being drunk as quickly as when I was younger. However, I still thought that I could handle it. I wake up this morning praying for more sleep, walking sideways to the bathroom. Everytime I close my eyes, my head spins.
I try to convince myself that I will be better after a shower. I almost fell about 6 times during that 15 minutes.
I know I need aspirin fast, but I can't find them anywhere. All I could find were a bunch of sleeping pills. Honestly I gave up looking for them quickly, my head hurt too badly to keep searching. I figured someone at work has to have at least one.
No one did, but my coworker/partner in crime was nice enough to buy me some. Which really helped, even though I spent a majority of the morning feeling like crap. By the afternoon I felt zombie like.
Needless to say I will NEVER EVER AGAIN drink like that on a weekday except Friday. Guess I can add that to my Murtaugh List -- "I'm too old for this stuff."
Explained by the show "How I Met Your Mother"...sorry I don't have a clip.
So I was so concerned about the staff meeting that I kept waking up every couple of hours...So I wake up at 6:45am and I have be out the door by 7am. Great, 15 minutes to get ready.
Talk about a way to start the morning. I had every intention of having an early start but restless mind made a very sleepy me.
To tell you the truth I think part of the reason I find myself having a restless sleep is because Mr. P is not sleeping next to me. No we have not broken up, however he has been falling asleep on the couch...he's been really tired too.
I know it sounds cheesy. And I know at first I was really excited because I would have the bed to myself, but I constanly wake up in the middle of the night. And when he isn't so tired that he actually makes it to bed, I sleep just fine...
Does that happen to anyone else, do you get use to the person sleeping next to you...so much that you can't sleep when they are not there?
So I know that I have disappeared as usual but I've been either busy or tired. Sorry I'm only human...for now. Below I have listed a couple of reasons for my disappearance...yes I am defending myself.
1. My laptop is bye bye so I rely on boyfriend's laptop
2. His laptop got a virus so that kinda went out the door so I Imma try my phone
3. My phone then got stolen and then shut off for a little while
4. Super busy writing papers, reading endless chapters for school.
5. My boyfriend thinks I'm a full time maid and personal assistant.
6. I gotta fit my life somewhere in there!
7. With all this being said, I naturally get very tired. So a girls gotta take a rest sometime, right?
Needless to say I have been acupada. Please don't hate me. All I can is try. I have tons of ideas and pics to share but only of I had enough time. Hopefully once I get my laptop (when I can afford it!) I can get some blog entries a lot sooner than later.
Buenos its 1130ish pm and I have to wake up about 30ish minutes earlier than usual (stupid staff meetings!) So gotta go to sleep and I will talk to yas soon.
We all have them:spiders, snakes, flying, darkness, failure, public speaking, loud noises, heights. Sometimes these little 'prohibiters' cause us to miss out on certain life experiences. For me, heights happens to be an absolutely terrifying fear of mine. I literally can not stand on the edge of anything higher than 5 feet, without having some heavy breathing, and a couple of skipped heart beats.
Well this past weekend, Mr. P and me decided to go to Six Flags. For those of you who don't know what a Six Flags is, it's a like a carnival but 100x bigger. Bigger rides, lots more 'carnival' games, longer lines, more expensive, roller coasters, and a massive pool . Basically it's a theme park.
I have not been to Six Flags in over a decade and anytime I have ever been, I would get on selected rides. What some of you may call 'the kiddie rides' - hey! I did say I was petrified of rides, didn't I?! I was perfectly content watching all my friends get on rides together while I waited for them to get off. I was happy enjoying time spent with my friends OFF the rides. Yes, very rarely would I get on a major roller coaster, and the rare times that I did is because a certain person wouldn't have a partner. I would ride that whole thing with my eyes closed.
However, since I knew that in this visit only me and Mr. P would be going, I would have to go on every single ride. I had to mentally prepare myself for this. Mind you I was going with the ultimate thrill seeker, not a good combo.
We started off with rides that I had already been, no surprises and still rode those with my eyes closed. But then, the ultimate, biggest ride in the entire park, The Superman - Ride of Steel.
Info on The Superman.
Thrill Scale (0=Wimpy!, 10=Yikes!): 8.5 Extreme height, acceleration, and speed
Highest point (feet): 200
Max. speed (mph): 75
We had gone to the park on a Sunday mid-day, so there were partically no lines. Great! I can't back out now. Of course, we have to ride the back of every ride because apparently it's a little more bumpy. Mr. P gets in, then I get in. For once I hoped that the "seat belt" wouldn't buckle, no luck, it seemed perfectly safe and bucketed just fine, crap!
The announcer is talking about something, but I can't seem to make anything out because all I'm thinking is please don't cry, please don't cry and Mr. P saying "this ride is scary" over and over and over like a broken record. I want to get off soooooo bad, but I know that I can't. I mean I can, but I can't. Now the cars start moving, now I really can't get off. Oh crap! Oh crap!
Hearing the click of the cars going up was not settling at all. I really don't want to do this anymore. I'm looking for an exit, really believing that somehow I can get off....I can't get off. Being afraid of heights and being 200 ft up in the air, yea I was feeling quite...not lovely. However, the view couldn't be anymore glorious. Yet, that could not settle my nerves.
I can see that we are approaching the downhill part. I can hear some of the cars starting their decline, along with the screams. I close my eyes, take a deep breath.
My mind is quite and blank, for once.
Now I feel the wind smacking my face, open my eyes... oh God why did I open my eyes!!!!
We're so high and we're going down so fast. I feel my heart in my chest. I think I might throw up. No, no, no, no! Now, a sharp turn. More ups and downs. Another sharp turn. More curves.
Somewhere in between all of this, I actually start to laugh. I don't know if it was out of fear or because I honestly started to enjoy the ride. It was exhilarating;having my heart beat so fast, being scare and fasciated all at the same time. Next thing you know, it's all done. Sudden stop and watching the next set of cars set off to their minute of thrill. I looked at Mr. P and smile. I made it, all of me.
After that I was able to ride every single roller coaster in that place, with some bit of hesitation and excitement. But able to make it through all of them, laughing like a mad women through it all. I walked away with some extreme naseous, but I made it. I conquered a fear.
I'm still afraid of heights...and roller coasters, but at least now I won't let it overpower me so much that it prevents me from enjoying some of what life has to offer.
Seeing this makes me proud of being thicker than most. It makes me feel beautiful and not alone. I'm glad to see beautiful, sexy, thick women on covers, To be celebrated just as well as a slimer sista. So take a look....
ps. can i be their friends! pss. thank you italia vogue
I know that I have been MIA and for that I do apologize. I have been crazy busy with my life. I simply have not had time, and sometimes energy to work on this. However, I haven't forgotten about my lovely blog. I've been keeping and working on stuff, from my phone. So expect many updates and additions.
Thank you everyone or anyone who has stuck around.
So here are a couple of 'myself' updates.
A lot of little personal issues have prevented me from keeping on track. I've really been trying to work on myself. I've started working out and eating better. So far I have lost 11 pounds. However, I gotten myself in a bit of a rut.Therefore, my process has slowed down, but giving up. My ultimate goal is to lose about 50-70 pounds. Yes, it is a lot! But my short term goal is to lose enough weight (by the end of the summer) to go sky diving with Mr. P and friends. Honestly that is the main reason I decided that I needed a change. I didn't want my weight to stop me from living my life to the fullest.
Don't get me wrong I love being me. Ask the closest people to me, I can love myself a bit too much. But I only got to this level after finally convincing myself that I am beautiful, after a life time worth of self agonizing hate. Growing up I always felt less than average looking because I was bigger than most of my friends. I was always the guy's best friend, instead the girlfriend. Then ironically enough being in the worst relationship of my life with a man who helped me see the real beautiful me, help me love me. Anyways, I have gotten off track.
The end update of "The Mis-Adventures of an Adult College Student" is that I passed my first college course with an A!!!!! So proud of myself! This made me believe that I can achieve anything I set my mind to.
Me and Mr. P are still going strong. We have our challenges like every couple, but every passing day I am more convince that he is the love of life.
Well folks I think that everything is set now. Continue to stay tune.
