Because Sometimes You Get Tired of Being Mad.

So as the summer days start to count down into the crisp, beautiful autumn days, I reflect.

I've taken these days and just relaxed, although I must admit that can be somewhat difficult for me. I can be a bit of an overachiever, more like take a pile of a bunch of things on one plate and watch me explode! So I've tried doing the complete opposite of that and enjoyed the long dog summer days and relax. Several days were spent doing nothing but watching seasons of many shows on Netflix or Hulu, reading, cooking, and everything in between. And I must admit it's been really nice.

And as I reflect on my peaceful moments after so many months of tension and angry, I've decided that I'm tired of being mad.

Without going into too many details there's been a lot of things and people I ultimately x out of my life. Several of the incidents were a result of not wanting unnecessary drama or negative energy in my life.  And if I'm being honest other situations were a result of me being angry, bitter and trying to be right.

I've realized that I don't want to be right all the time. I don't want to hold on to grudges. I don't want to be angry anymore. And in attempt to get rid of negative energy, I've harboring it within myself. And that does me no good. Of course all things take time and you have to let it pass before you're willing to let go. And I think I've come to that step. I've committed wrongs as well as experienced them, but today I am willing to let it go. Its time. I will let go of things that no longer hold a place in my heart or soul; letting go of that baggage. I will let of harboring that negativity, that anger - that holds me back from progressing with my life.

It will start with this and simple hellos. I will open my heart and soul to all the good that this world and life has to offer me.

Some people...

I think I just need to vent my feelings...having all this anger inside is not healthy.

Last night I received the unexpected, I was verbally insulted and disrespected in such a way that I have never experienced in all of my entire life. And from someone who admitted and repeated that they don't know anything about me, yet continued to insult me as though they did know who I am.

I was insulted about who i am as person, what life aspirations I may or may not have, down to my physical apprearance which indicted the choices and preferences of my boyfriend.

I know who I had and what I'm not. I know what I look like and nor do I wish to be upheld by others people's standards of beauty, I hold my own beauty to my own standards. And last time I checked my boyfriend knows exactly what I look like and doesn't have a single problem with it so it shouldn't bother you. Nevermind that your not my type. My true friends and family knows who I am. They know my faults and virtues. They and I know that i am truly a kind, generous, heart warming, funny, smart and beautiful person. And besides only God can truly judge me weather its your belief or not.

Who gives anyone the right or the idea that they are entitled to make judgements on other people and hold them as fact.

What I've come to learn over the years is that people judge and insult out of hatred, jealousy, personal vindication and motives. All of which are ugly aspects of humanity. Worse part of it is when asked what was the reason or what tiggered the actions, the response was simply nothing.

If you have a problem with someone or something, it can be resolved in an adult manner, and not having to result to child like tactics to achieve what you want.

Even though I have said a mouthful, in trying to release some of this anger. I feel no different, nor better or worse. Words hurt, they are remembered. But everything that I have surpassed in my life, this too will become a distant memory and another obstacle that I have overcome.

Now you will never really get to know who I am, that's too bad.

Because I'm awesome.