Abuelita Alicia...

I've just needed a few days to not think, even though that's the first thing I do, think. And then cry. These past few days I've been...rough to say the least. I almost thought to not write about this but I thought maybe this would help.

Writing for me is like breathing. It helps me relax when I write down the words that sometimes weigh me down. And at the end of the day, I am a real person with a real life. And my moments are not all happy. And that's ok. Struggles and pain (along with the wonderfully joyous moments), believe or not, makes you the person you are. It shapes and molds you, and you learn that much more about yourself.

This past weekend was like any other typically weekend. Except that on Sunday morning (2am) P wakes me from my sleep, yelling for help. He is face down on the bed and in intense pain. He has dislocated his shoulder again...this would make it the 4th time. I still haven't figured out how to "pop" it back in and we now have to go to the ER again for the second time in 2 weeks. I hate feeling so helpless and watching someone you love in so much pain is heart wreaching. We are in the ER by 2:30am and out by 7am.

------No sleep------

Fortunately for me I have pretty great bosses,who are more than understanding and I get the day off to recover. After some light breakfast, we sleep for about 4 hours, but for some reason or another both P and my cell phone are ringing off the hook. It's either a text or a call, for numerous reasons. We finally get up, decide to run some errands. Take advantage of the day off - Pharmacy, police station (pay some tickets), mva, eat, and finally back home. And yet sleep has not succumb me and I am wide awake.

10:30pm, my mother calls me...twice. This isn't typical of my mother. She has to get up way early in the morning to get to work, so she is usually asleep by that time.

I answer the phone and she doesn't say anything right away. I can hear her try to take a breath, but I hear her tears.....my heart stops....I hate these calls the most. Her mother, my grandmother has passed away.

The next few minutes were a blur. I can remember telling her I'm so sorry and Oh mom. And nothing. Just tears. P asks me what's wrong, but the words can't and won't come out. I don't want to have to say it. The next sleepless hours are me on the phone with multiple family members and online searching and booking a flight for my mom to El Salvador. The pain for my grandmother's death, my mother's loss, and my family's pain is overbearing...and too much. Oh como me pesa mi alma ---- Oh, my heart/soul is heavy.

My abuelita Alicia was really our family's last elder and we view her as our monarch, the glue that held us together. The one thing that gives me some peace and helps me to accept the truth is that she no longer has to hold onto her loss and pain. Within the past 3-4 years my grandmother as lost her husband, her mother, sister and brother. I know that now she can join them and not have to endure the pain of loss.

She was loving, caring, worried way too much sometimes, appreciative and thankful, beautiful and thought everyone else was too. She never like to see the ugly in people and always tried to find some good. She always acted surprised even if she already knew. She never forgot a name; she had 9 (living) children, about 20 grandchildren, and about 9 great grandchildren. She has truly left us as her legacy.

But most of all she was strong. She lived through many ordeals in her life and handled them with tears, grace, and strength. And even through she was older, she could still catch roosters and chickens with her own hands like as if she were in her 20's.

I know that me and my family will miss her greatly. But a little of her is in all of us. She was a major part of our lives and I will try to continue her legacy and her silent wish for our family to be and stay together.

Te quiero mucho abuela y te vamos extranar mucho. Pero hoy descansa.





Beachy Waves...

I love playing with new hair styles. And a few months ago I found this great instructional video for beachy waves. So of course I wanted to share.

Check out the results when I tried it! Sorry for the gosh awful pic....still loved the look!

Spiced Beef Empanadas w/Lime Sour Cream...

You must know that I love trying out new recipes, although it always takes me a lot longer than what the recipe calls for, I love it! You just never know when you might make something that you'll absolutely love and it might become the staple of a family dinner.

Mr. P is a meats man. I remember one time I made soup and grilled cheese for dinner and he just looked over at me and asks where the meat is. So I must keep this in mind when making any plate of food. Plus he loves spicy food. Whereas I am still getting used to the idea of heat in my food. Makes things a little interesting sometimes.

So I had some ground beef thawing, and the thought of burgers or burritos just sounded boring. So of course I went to my go to website, and found something that looked quite appetizing.

Do not make fun of my aluminum foil covered stove! ps.com it's not my stove, not that that matters anyways. 

I decided to add corn, jalapeños, and some hot peppers. (not pictured) I wanted a little more flavor. The recipe calls for yellow raisins, which add a sweetness to the dish, which I really liked but you know I had to add a little bit of my flair and heat. 

I didn't have any cookie cutters at hand, so I just used the rim end of the cup. Worked just as well. 

I would suggest you hold the dough in your hand. And proceed with the steps, while still holding the dough in your one hand. When I did it on the plate, the dough got stuck on the plate. Which is why some of the empanadas started to tear and get holes. 

Ta-Da! They were really tasty. I liked that the raisins added sweetness, but I do like a little kick to my food. I added some other vegetables, so you can too. Just make sure you cut the dough pieces bigger to accommodate. I've also made these empanadas with my own recipe and with corn dough(mesa) instead of flour dough. And if you want some cheese with your empanadas, add some cheese on top and melt. Enjoy!

Pretty Flowers...

Just because I love flowers and they are so pretty.

Lent...

Although I was raised Catholic, as an adult I really haven't practiced much of my Catholic roots. As I grew up I started to develop my own thoughts on religion as a whole. Don't get me wrong, I still believe that prayer is a wonderful type of mediation. And I admire people who have a strong sense of faith in their own religions. But I also believe the people have the right to choose their beliefs or lack there of.

So getting to the point. Me and my boss were talking about Lent and she let me know that she was giving up all meat products. Not just meat, but anything that comes from an animal!!! Burgers, steaks, chicken, milk, eggs, major vegan! Let's just say I don't think....no I know I wouldn't be able to do that.

But I got to thinking, what would I give up for 40 days. I've never really practiced Lent because
A. I didn't know what to give up
B. I would always forget when Lent was
C. I lack the will power and concentration to remember that I have given up anything.

So this time I decide why not give this a shot, just for the hell of it. Gosh, I just said hell. I'm so simple sometimes. So here I am trying to figure out what I can give up for 40 days that is going to be challenging, but also reasonable. I know a lot of people give up meat, but I don't want to do that. Some people give up the Internet or the use of social media outlets, this isn't reasonable for me, since I use for my job, and I'm also addicted to it.

I finally figured it out and I am kinda mad at myself for even thinking of this. But indeed this will be a challenge.

No bread for 40 days.

So for some of y'all, this may be nothing. But to me, bread is well...the bread of my life. I eat bread just about everyday. I always said if I opened my own business, other than a florist shop, I would open a sandwich shop.

I mean think of the possibilities. Tuna sandwich, meatball sandwich, ham & cheese sandwich, tomato & onion sandwich, BLT, hot dog sandwich, grilled cheese. The list goes on and on. And I've eaten all of these sandwiches, but now I must not have them with the bread part, at least for the next 40ish days.

Needless to say this is going to be a challenge for me(did I say that already?) but I hope to get some insight to my eating habits, lose some lbs, and hopefully prove to myself that I can live without something that I love so much(for 40 days anyways)

Rest...

I've been hiding for the past 3 days. Myself and Mr. P pretty much locked ourselves in the house for these days. There has been a lot of personal drama going on and we just decided to spend time together and rest.

See it pretty much started after V-day. Without going into too many details, we have been going thru some stuff. You know every couple has them, no matter how much they may deny or to claim their perfection. Its all Lies! Every couple, no matter how long they have been together, have had their bad moments. At the end of the day it should make you a better and stronger couple.

So anyway the whole ordeal finally climaxed this past Thursday night. I was pulling up to the driveway only to see that there is an ambulance parked on the street. I pray that its not for Mr. P, but deep down inside I kinda know it was for him.

Sure enough I walk into the house and 3 paramedics are trying to convince Mr. P that he needs to go to the hospital. He has dislocated his shoulder yet again. This would make it the third time. I later learn that once the shoulder dislocates it can easily happen again....not cool. Apparently Mr. P fell and out came the shoulder. So we ultimately make it to the ER and we begin our wait.

We are sitting down, him with his agonizing pain and me with completely shaking "out of my skin...no body" nerves. In between the waiting, X-rays, pain meds, and getting home, we have a lot of time to talk, especially about the dealings of the past couple of days.

Funny how a "simple" hospital trip can help you remember that "hey, I care about this person a lot and I don't want to lose them." I said, "helps remember" because sometimes through all the daily grinds of life, work, school, family, errands, this and that. You sometimes tend to forget that you have a partner who deserves the same attention, care and love. We sometimes tend to take out all of our anger and frustrations out on the people we love the most. And forget that we want and need them in our lives.

So needless to say, Mr. P wasn't feeling his greatest and I was mentally exhausted. So we spent the whole weekend watching movies, TV, eating, sleeping and just plain old relaxing. I started to try to be productive but I realized that I needed to dedicate time to my relationship.

In the end I had a great weekend after a whole week of BS. I hope and will try my best to continue to have more many days of rest, peace and love.

Heart's Day Cake...

I know how this is going to sound, kinda housewifey (no offense to all my housewives out there, woot woot) but I've been waiting for about month to bake this cake. I'm excited!

Me and my family are having our monthly family dinner on Valentine's Day. No particular reason just picked that day. So I decided along with dinner I wanted to make something special, I mean it is Valentine's Day! So something special = something sweet!

I saw this a recipe and cake decorating ideas from the mag Real Simple about a month ago, as I was waiting endlessly for jury duty to be over with. I kept ("borrowed") the mag so that I could give it a try. And then last week I saw this really neat cake pan at Target by Wilton and now I bring you....Maria makes a cake. Fun.

Yellow Cake Recipe and Vanilla Frosting Recipe

                       Can't wait till its in my tummy! Happy Heart's Day Everyone!

P.S.

I need to give props to all the housewives, stay at home moms/dads, and full time working folks. I can only imagine baking a cake (from scratch), making dinner and on top of it all having little ones to worry about. You definitely do it all and then some. My respect.