Growing Up...

Yes, I know getting older is part of life, you can't hide from that. However, at times...time just flies by so fast.

You can't relive anything, you can't hit rewind to play back what you missed. Time just keeps on strolling by with her high heels on.

It seems like only yesterday my sister was bringing my brand new baby niece home. She was our little doll. And my heart must have grown at least 3 sizes bigger because of her. ---- Not to say that I was some heartless chick, I just didn't' know I had that capability to love a person unconditionally and instantly.

Now my sweet, sweet, darling Bea is being promoted from her elementary school. And as I watch her sitting in her seat amongst her classmates, waving at me from afar. I want to have a mental breakdown of tears because not only am I proud of her - I see my niece with her own swag, style, being herself...no longer that little baby I use to cradle in my arms.

I hope one day I have enough courage to be as fearless and independent as her. Or just maybe I helped a little in instilling that in her...maybe.

Bea with her mom, my sista. 

Me and my Bea.

Time and Roles...

So I think I am finally starting to realize that nothing will ever or always be perfect. For me this means trying to capture the perfection or rather the complication or the fact that there is little of it...time.

I have always been caught in a loop of miscalculated time. My childhood was not really my childhood but rather my training into adulthood. My adolescence is something I would much rather forget. - I really was awkward. Yes, I know that's what your suppose to be, but I was awkward in the sense that I knew I didn't belong for a multitude of reasons. Maybe I was way beyond my years at the time. And now my adulthood, well its kinda a mess and I'm still trying to figure that out.

Then of course, there's the I never have enough time for everyone. It's like I'm living separate lives with everyone: work, family, friends, my boyfriend, his family, yada yada yada. Oh! And I forgot myself. I play one too many roles: "mother", sister, daughter, girlfriend, wifey, chef, leader, worker, friend, volunteer, counselor, student, planner, beauty queen, vivacious latina, sex vixen, intellect, and on a occasion a bitch. Some of these I wish I could do a bit better.

But you know I will never have enough time to do everything and somehow I have to figure out a way to be myself in all of these roles. Or maybe I have to stop being so "I got everything" and hand the torch to someone else for a change!

I have to remember that I have resolved that there is not enough time or enough me to do everything...all the time. And to not be so hard on myself when I have days that I just can't do anything. It might also be about making calculated shortcuts to make others believe that I'm are indeed SuperWoman.

First calculated move: Laptop on kitchen desk and Sloppy Joes on the stove. - Blogger and Chef. :)