One of the negatives of constantly moving around is that well...you don't keep too many friends around. And this was always the case for me growing up. I was lucky if my mom decided to stay 3 years in one spot, but after that it was a new place, new school and new friends. That is until I moved to Maryland. This is the one spot that actually stuck.
I started high school in MD and was lucky that I got to be done with it in the same school. I meet a lot of new and great people, but the one that lasted was my friendship with T. We met in our drama class and instantly became attached at the hip. This in all was something new to me, a best friend.
I'll be the first to admit, that one of my most horrible flaws is that I'm not such a great friend. I forget things, miss the obvious signs of "help me please", and I don't call as much as I should. Trust me it's something I'm working on.
So anyways, yes, having one singular person that I called my best friend was truly new to me. She was the first friend that ever slept at my house and the first person that my mother allowed me to sleep over their house. And if you know anything about a Latino household - this is totally a big deal! I shared things with her that I had never even told anyone. We dreamed of graduating high school and moving to New York to become big time actresses. This was the girl who would be in my wedding. And that our future children would be best friends, like us.
Of course, sometimes life has another plan for you and things don't always plan out as dreamed. But the one thing that did, was our friendship and it was stronger than ever. Yes, we had our fights but for the most part because I tended to get angry over small things and did I mention that I can be a bit of a bad friend, well...those fights were usually started by me. But sooner or later, we would make up and go on as if nothing ever happened.
We ended up being roommates, coworkers (in another field), and eventually sister in laws. Yes, sister in laws. At heart she was always like my sister but life had that the love of her life was also my brother. (I told you life works in funny ways) Granted at first, having my best friend date my younger brother, how do I say this, was gross, but then I realized that T loved him. And how could I not understand. We had already overcome so many things together and calling her my official sister was the greatest feeling.
But again, life happens. Needless to say, our bond of eternal sisterhood was abruptly ended by my brother. Without going into too many details, because after all it is very personal information of someone else...the marriage between T and my brother did not last. And things got really crazy, really fast and it ultimately ended our friendship.
Nearly two years went by and almost no contact between the two of us.
I had experienced heartbreak before. I had my first love tell me that he didn't love me back. Another, broke my trust in a very hurtful way, that caused me to question motives of future relationships. I've had my heart broken and knew the pain and anguish of it. But never did I experience such pain and hurt and heart break over a friendship. Honestly, I didn't even know that that was possible.
I missed her terribly. I lost my kinder soul.
I would sometimes think of her and cry. I wanted to call her so many times but I couldn't. I wanted to tell her that I was sorry. That I should have been there for her. That I was sorry for being such a bad person and a bad friend to her, which she didn't deserve. But I couldn't. I thought that it was done and beyond repair. And that I would only be reminding her of her pain and I wouldn't be allowing her to move on.
One day all the feeling that I had buried inside of me for almost two years became unbearable. So I decided to send a Facebook message. I apologized. I told her how much she really means to me. And that her friendship was truly unlike any other I had ever had. And that I appreciated her.
Sending her that message was probably the best thing that I could have ever done. And I know for her to response to my message was very difficult for her. But this message opened the door for us.
We messaged back and forth - pretty much pouring our hearts to one another. I was happy to hear that she missed me too. And I was comforted with knowing that our friendship, our bond is a strong one.
After some time of messaging each other, we finally exchanged numbers and started texting each other. We started catching up on each other's lives. And after a couple of months of texts, we finally decided to meet up.
It was like meeting someone new, so you're excited but nervous. Seeing her again, was like I had found my missing piece. And I could breathe again.
It was also odd and funny in a way because it felt like I was dating her. Slowly communicating before you finally decide to meet up. And in a way it was like dating her. Getting to know each other (again) and finally deciding if the "pursuit" is worth a chance.
I know that things have changed, people grow. It's not exactly how it once was, but it's definitively a work in progress. And I know we both care about one another and we'll probably be right where we left off, just on another path, together.
I didn't realize how important a friendship is. We get so caught up in our lives: work, relationships, personal issues, and family, that sometimes we neglect to make those important friendships a priority as well. These relationships that our outside of our families also mold us into the people we become. They are a reflection of ourselves.
I thought for so long that I had lost her and the most important friendship that I had ever had. That I would never get to speak to her again. I'm glad that I was wrong. I'm glad that I put my pride and fear to the side and opened that door. I am so glad that she decided that our friendship was important to her too.