Friday Night.

So I go out Friday night with one of my good friends, K. I hadn’t seen her in a while plus I needed some time away from…everything. We head out to a local bar/restaurant. We sit at the bar and order some pizza and have our share of drinks. Hello Margaritas!

Later into the night the chairs are being taken away from the bar – more space for the dancing that’s about to start.

So here we are standing by the bar, sipping on our drinks, and just like that this guy is right in between us. He introduces himself and is very clearly interested in K. He talks to us for quite some time, tells us about his journey in the Navy and buys us a couple of drinks – even though we tell him not to. K is not interested but because he seems like a nice guy, we continue to talk. Then he starts to ask the same questions over and over and over again. Which I guess is ok and understandable because he completely wasted, but then again most of the guys there seemed completely wasted. Navy guy starts to tell me “I don’t think your friend likes me very much” I’m too nice and tell him that K just has a hard shell, so it’s hard to get to her. So here I am people watching and all of a sudden I feel a slap on my butt. And I’m not too sure where it came from. I immediately think it’s this Navy guy and I almost go off, but there are several people around this bar area and I can't say for sure who did it, so I just drop it and keep my ass facing the bar. After a while Navy guy asks us for a smoke. Which we both reply no thanks, but of course this isn’t a sufficient answer, so he comes to my ear (that’s the only way you can hear in this place) and says “let’s go for a smoke, bitch” ----- YES! HE SAID BITCH!------ It’s a bit laughable now but at that moment all I could think of was you’re an idiot, I don’t care how drunk you are. You never call a girl you don’t know, a bitch. K doesn't hear it and my face doesn't imply shock, so I'm thinking I’m out with my girl, trying to enjoy myself and the last thing I want is to get into it with a guy who is drunk and thinks it’s ok or cool to talk to a person like that. I step away and completely ignore him, soon after that he disappears and we don't see him for the rest of the night. ---Good for him.

WORD OF ADVICE: Don’t call any girl, any name, especially if you want to hook up with her friend! This will guarantee that you will not even get a single number from her – no matter how many drinks you buy her.

So me and my friend continue into the night and go onto the dance area.

I love to dance – it’s about the only time I feel free, like there isn’t anything in this world that can bother me while I’m dancing. We dance for a while, then K and I decide to go sit down.

And this is where things start to get a little…strange. I say strange because the following has never, ever, happened to me.  

As me and K leave the dance area to go sit down, this guy magically appears in front of me. And of course you can tell he has been drinking. He proceeds to tell how he wished he had danced with me. We stay there and talk for a little while. We make simple conversation, like what’s your name, what do you do, do you live around here, where are you from. You know those typical questions. During all of this he tells me how beautiful I am and apologizes right after.

“You’re so beautiful. I’m so sorry. Is that bad?”

Somehow or another there’s a distraction and me and K go sit down. K and I are talking and as I looked up, there is Beautiful guy walking right to our table. Honestly, this is too funny to me. Of course he continues with the “you’re beautiful – I’m so sorry. Is that bad?” As we look into each other’s eyes (I have a thing when someone looks me in the eyes, I don’t look away – I think it shows confidence) and he licks his lips likes he is LL Cool J, he tells me “I want to kiss you – I’m sorry. Is that bad?” In between the can we hang out and the beautifuls and permission for kisses – I decide that as much as I love the attention I have to tell this guy that I’m not single. The statement makes him glare into my eyes even further as if I will change my mind. I must admit the guy was my type and was pretty good looking, but 3 years of being with someone does not compare to a few complaints and 15 minutes. He gets up from the table, comes to me and half hugs me and tells me how much he wants to kiss me as he kisses my forehead. He walks away.

And I kid you not, not even 10 seconds go by and then ANOTHER guy sits at our table. NOT EVEN 10 SECONDS. At this point I’m thinking this guy wants to talk to my friend, not me, right? And I ask him this and I’m totally shock to hear him said, no I want to talk to you!

Now I’m thinking I must be like fresh meat in high school or the last grab before the place closes, right?

This guy is also attractive and he proceeds to tell me how beautiful I am. And I’m thinking was he overhearing the Beautiful guy??? I say thank you – because I’m trying to learn to accept compliments, but before I can ask him his name. He asks me if I have a compliment for him – like how handsome he is.

I can’t help but to laugh!

I tell him I have a boyfriend but my friend, K is single. He looks at me like, Damn! And asks if he can get a hug, which I comply, and as I stand he stands. And the guy is so tall! He apologizes for being so tall, I tell him no, that women love tall men. He then says, “damn and you’re Latin too!”

I am literally surprised and shocked. I look at K in awe. – and ask myself did this really just happen?- I don’t want to seem conceited but honest to goodness I have never had that happen to me, but it felt good.
Attention and compliments felt good.

P will compliment me, but never like that. P is not the typical romance guy. He is different, much like a loner. In public he never gets so close to me. He will sit next to me but never gets as close to me as those bar guys did. Even when we first started dating, he barely even held my hand. That type of stuff is not his cup of tea. He's like Red from That 70’s Show. And I know this but every woman wants to feel wanted.

As we start walking out the bar, I see Beautiful guy and he starts his "rant" again. He asks me yet again...
-if we can hang out.
-we can go to his place, it's only 10 minutes away. 
-no not like that, he doesn't expect anything, he just wants to hang out.
-how he wants to kiss me. 
-how beautiful I am.
He says these things looking deeply into my eyes and licking his lips. And it kind of turns me on - the looking into my eyes part. I've always had a thing for eyes. I respect someone who looks me in the eyes and not turn away.
I simply tell him – because I’m a freaking flirt myself – “we’re on social media, find me!” and leave. Which I know we’ll never see each other again, not like it matters.

As we walk towards the car and this random guy who is with his friends tells me “you look really nice, take care” --- I'm pretty sure he said beautiful too, but I can't remember.---

I thinking I must have my nipple showing or something because….I don’t know how this is happening to me. I felt like I was in the twilight zone. I’m not the girl who gets the guy; I’m the guy’s best friend. I was never the hot or cute girl in school. I never had boyfriends who were in my school. It was always an older guy or just arrived to this country guy, never the "it" guy in school. I’ve since grown into my face and body but still…

This was indeed a rare and interesting night. And I enjoyed myself thoroughly. But it also made me feel bad. Bad in a way that I knew I felt this but never acknowledged. I told K that apparently I need more attention, I need attention from P. And I feel like a child when I say that, but it’s true.

We women need a healthy balance of appeal. We love to feel sexy, desired, and wanted – especially from the men were with. And I realized that I’m not getting enough of it. I love those random kisses on the forehead or neck. I want to feel like I am the most beautiful women he’s ever laid his eyes on. I want to feel like we just met.

I know that after 3 years not every day is going to be like that. That sometimes romantic equals take out and a movie at home. That beautiful may be you took a shower today. But that spark, that energy, and that passion shouldn’t completely die. With living life sometimes having that spark is difficult and it’s usually last on the to do list.

And maybe that’s the problem, why is that on a list? How does it feel new again? I know I don’t have the answers to everything. Obviously I have more questions than answers. But this is my thought and I think that thinking out loud sometimes helps with trying to get an answer.

And my question is how does it feel new again?

Men...

Men. How does the saying go, can't live with, can't live without em.

Yes, they can be frustrating, hard headed, stubborn, mean...the list can go on and on. But women also can be exactly the same way I just described the men. But men can also be strong, caring, romantic, thoughtful.

We, yes as women, have a tendency to bad mouth men. Almost has if we're groomed to do so. You know how it is....you get with your best gal pals and sure enough you all start talking about

"he did this and he did that", "omg", "I can't believe he did that"

And we forget to mention all the sweet moments. Yes, I agree there are some jerks in this world, trust me I have encountered some of them. But they are not all terrible or alike. Financially and emotionally we might not need men in our lives. Crap we might not need anyone, ever! However, biologically we still do need men, but that's a whole other story.
But trust me there are good, great, and wonderful men out there. --- It takes some time to find them, and sometimes they just walk into your life, but they are out there. We shouldn't always make rash generalizations about men and then put them all in the same catorgy. Remember if you have the power to change or have evolve as a person, so do some men. I admit I didn't have great or even just ok male figures in my life while I was growing up, but eventually I did.

My father stepped up to the plate 100% and showed me that you can always break free of cycles and fix your mistakes. And that ultimately you can learn to trust and love them.
My brother whom I had to be a second mother to is learning everyday from his mistakes (just like I do) and always tries to be better. Even though he still needs help from time to time but don't we all.
My boyfriend. I admit he is not perfect, neither am I. He is not the classic "fairytale" man, but he is MY "fairytale" come true. Sure we are not the ideal love birds, who are stuck at the hip. We don't always get along. But he inspires and challenges me in ways that I've always desired. And he is the first man that I've ever been with who when he says he loves me, I actually believe and know it to be true.

Men are not always easy to understand, but just because one man hurt you, caused you to mistrust, broke your heart...does not mean that all men will do that. At the end of the day we are all people, good and bad. Learn to see and cherish the true and real people who deserve your time, energy, and love.

Love & Who Gets Over It Faster

So a couple of weeks ago I had two separate conversations that had me thinking....when ya break up, who gets over it faster, guys or girls? Of course every girl is probably thinking the same thing as I was, guys totally move on faster. After all we get so involve in a relationship it's like we sink ourselves into our partners. Guys...well you always seem like you don't care.

Well I was sitting down with Mr. P and he told me that he knows for a fact that if we ever went our separate ways that I would be the first person in the club trying to catch up on my missed game. (He didn't put in those words exactly, but you get the picture.) I of course disagreed, because well I love the man with every inch of my heart. AWWW...I know, corny, but I do. So we starting discussing how long we think it would take for us to recover if we did breakup (Knock on wood) Granted both of us could not fathom how long (smart choice!) but we agreed that it would probably be a while.

So one night I was out with a couple of friends, I don't really remember what we were talking about but either way one of guys said that "it takes us (guys) to get over a break up longer" So now I'm really thinking....could it be, do guys secretly take longer to get over a break up?

I know from experience that generally when you break up a girl is mostly crying, while a guy is mainly, again acting like they don't care. Mainly I believe that guys act like that because they feel they have to put up a macho act when in reality, maybe, some of them really are hurt and perhaps the best way they cope with the pain is to be an ass. Yeah, I said it.

Now I've had my share of relationships and when we finally do the last breakup with no possible chance of a makeup, it always seem that the guys were in relationships right after me.

Example #1 - My First (Puppy) Love
"R." He got married a year within our breakup

Example #2 - My Long Distance Relationship
"L." He refused to come see me (3 hours away) or really commit, however he meets someone online and almost instantly moves half way across the country and starts a family... also within the year.

Example #3 - My First Kiss Turned into Meeting Later in Our Lives
"E." This man had more drama than a soap opera (People it's not always good to start a relationship with problems) Either way a year or so after our breakup he sorta rekindled a relationship with his first love.

Yes, I acknowledge that I have a sort of "Good Luck Chuck" effect.  However if you notice they all moved on within the year. Meanwhile I waited a bit more time before moving on. *Another thing to consider is that I was never really 100% faithful in those relationships (and perhaps neither were they,) but that's not the reason we eventually broke up. I mean it didn't help but still they moved on sooner. Now I do have examples in which the girl moved on sooner.

Example #1 - My Parents
My mother still remains the apple of my father's eye, my mom not so much.

Example #2 - All the guys who I left in the "dust" while they still called for their 2nd or 3rd chance.

Example #3 - I don't really have one, but you can insert your own experience here.

Most of us will be able to recall more heartaches than more happily "rebounded" relationship experiences, it's the nature of the beast. So maybe it just has something to do with the person and the certain relationship you experienced. It could be a series of reasons as to who recovers sooner, but in the end does it really matter? Yes, it does hurt to see someone you possibly cared about rooming the streets with a new someone, however it doesn't change the fact that when it's over it's over, no matter who moves on faster.

Ultimately we all continue the search for our "soul mate". Hoping that one day we don't have to relieve those break up pains or even think about moving on. So who moves on sooner, women or men? We both experience pain on different levels and at different times. Ultimately we have to learn to appreciate when we have someone who really shows and acts like they care, instead of continuing to waste time, energy and effort on an impossible relationship.  Love is grand and oh so glorious, and it really thrives us to be better. It should ever be taken for granted or mistaken for the lust that we sometimes feel in those speed bumps. The people we choose to be in a relationship, reflect who we are, so lead with your heart wisely.

I've provided a link of epic loves, in where both partners could NOT live without each other. <3

http://amolife.com/reviews/top-20-most-famous-love-stories-in-history-and-literature.html