So as the summer days start to count down into the crisp, beautiful autumn days, I reflect.
I've taken these days and just relaxed, although I must admit that can be somewhat difficult for me. I can be a bit of an overachiever, more like take a pile of a bunch of things on one plate and watch me explode! So I've tried doing the complete opposite of that and enjoyed the long dog summer days and relax. Several days were spent doing nothing but watching seasons of many shows on Netflix or Hulu, reading, cooking, and everything in between. And I must admit it's been really nice.
And as I reflect on my peaceful moments after so many months of tension and angry, I've decided that I'm tired of being mad.
Without going into too many details there's been a lot of things and people I ultimately x out of my life. Several of the incidents were a result of not wanting unnecessary drama or negative energy in my life. And if I'm being honest other situations were a result of me being angry, bitter and trying to be right.
I've realized that I don't want to be right all the time. I don't want to hold on to grudges. I don't want to be angry anymore. And in attempt to get rid of negative energy, I've harboring it within myself. And that does me no good. Of course all things take time and you have to let it pass before you're willing to let go. And I think I've come to that step. I've committed wrongs as well as experienced them, but today I am willing to let it go. Its time. I will let go of things that no longer hold a place in my heart or soul; letting go of that baggage. I will let of harboring that negativity, that anger - that holds me back from progressing with my life.
It will start with this and simple hellos. I will open my heart and soul to all the good that this world and life has to offer me.
6.13.2013
Instagram as of Late.
oh welcome the dogs days of summer. wait, is it officially summer?
either way. i've been spending most of my days as of late - working, sleeping, reading and relaxing.
one of my favorite hobbies is reading. ever since i was a child i would hours upon hours reading books and fortunately it's something that hasn't changed. my latest favorite place to buy books is at the thrift store. i was utterly amazed by the amount of books there, several new releases. and the best part the books are anywhere $1-$3.00 a book. seriously! how awesome is that!
so while i spend my days in far away places - i will still be snapping away and on occasion sharing my experiences.
ta da for now.
either way. i've been spending most of my days as of late - working, sleeping, reading and relaxing.
one of my favorite hobbies is reading. ever since i was a child i would hours upon hours reading books and fortunately it's something that hasn't changed. my latest favorite place to buy books is at the thrift store. i was utterly amazed by the amount of books there, several new releases. and the best part the books are anywhere $1-$3.00 a book. seriously! how awesome is that!
so while i spend my days in far away places - i will still be snapping away and on occasion sharing my experiences.
ta da for now.
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| I suffer from this. :) |
Flowers before the leaves;tree outside my dad's apt./Flowers from the bosses for Admin Day/Me 6.10/New Ink
Dinner Chicken Stir Fry/Wonder Woman-Yup that's Me/BBQ Meat Platter/Mother's Day w/my mom and sister
Me 4.17/Chupacabra DC/Modern Disney Princess Office Decor/Me 6.12
My Bella/Boots/Butterflies Office Decor/Turkish Embassy Beautiful Robe
5.27.2013
Me Day.
so i have been having a stressful few weeks at work and i finally talked myself into having a couple days off from work. and i have enjoyed every finger licking day!
i planned a couple of things but for the most part i just went with the flow. i did exactly what i wanted - no interruptions.
i ordered breakfast at one of my fave spanish bakeries. but i don't go in there for the typical spanish breakfast, pan, (pan is for us what muffins are for americans. except pan is much larger and sweeter. most people dip their pan in their coffee. soggy goodness.) i go in for a torta. mmmmm....torta. this is something that i surely can't eat everyday, unless of course i want to work out and we know that's not gonna happen. so i enjoy a torta every now and again. a torta is basically a sandwich, but better. it's on freshly baked bread - more like a mini loaf - with mayo, shredded cheese, sliced avocado, lettuce, tomato, jalapenos, and your choice of ham, chicken or beef. and finally the sandwich is grilled.
the bread is a mix of soft inside with the crunchy just grilled exterior. the cheese melts into the mayo. the avocado and tomato mix together into a veggie galore. this "sandwich" makes your mouth water and biting into it is a little bit of food goodness. food that makes you dance a little when you eat it.
i took my breakfast sandwich and drove over to one of the local parks. i sat, ate and watched the birds dance in the sky. my favorite part of the morning at the park is the silence. people glanced at each other with mild smiles. you hear the soft passing of cars. the birds chirping. the soft breeze. the morning is still wet and slightly cool. the sun hides shyly behind small clouds. perfection.
after the quiet, almost meditative breakfast. i head over to the subway. i park my car and decide that if i will be traveling to various parts of the city, going on the train is my best option.
sometimes letting someone else take you to your destination is relieving. all you have to worry about is getting off and on the right stops. growing up in the city, you learned to ride the train before you knew how to ride a bike. it's just something everyone did. owning a car was rendered useless. of course, once my family moved to maryland, that no car concept changed. i rarely ever take the train. so it was enjoyable taking a seat and reading a book.
dc is great because of all the places that there are to see. and if it isn't a place there's always an event. seriously if you ever see the tourism site for dc there's something to do every single day and night! having a dull day is almost impossible. i also believe that its a borderline sin if you live in or near the city and have not seen any of the historic sites, monuments or museums!
i visit my favorite museums at least once or twice a year - they are always changing the exhibits. however, there was one that i hadn't visited in quite some time. the National Museum of Natural History. as a child this was the first museum my mom took me to and it changed my whole concept of life. you know that the world is large and vast but coming here made me realized how great this world is and how immense knowledge is. it boggled my mind and forever changed me. this place was the foundation for my drive and thirst for knowledge. this place truly changed me and coming here was like meeting up with an old friend. and i always feel like i'm going on a expedition when i enter this place!
after spending a couple of hours here, i finally decided that i wouldn't be able to see the whole place but that i would return another day. i walked out to one of the food stands, bought a Nathan's hot dog and coke. i picked out a nice shaded spot under a tree, laid my jacket over the grass, sat down and enjoyed the view and food.
After a nice break, i decided to go shopping! Yes, shopping! Seriously, am a woman how could i resist the temptation of shopping. A couple of hours later and a few new items, i went to one place that i've been trying to go to for some time but never had the time, District of Pi. i had passed this place dozens of time and it's hard to ignore it and the wonderful, tasty aroma seeping through the doors. However, until me day, i never had the time to go in. so needless to say i was rather excited to finally get a chance to try the pizza.
I was immediately offered a seat either at the bar or table. I wanted to relax and enjoy so I sat at a table. My waitress was so helpful and attentive. i had the Caesar salad and the south side classico pizza. this big portion of salad was tasty and full of creamy Caesar dressing. but of course my main purpose for this visit was the pizza. when this deep dish pizza was placed on my table, i knew immediately that i wanted to eat all of it but i wouldn't be able to. firstly i ate my entire salad and even though i ordered the regular size pizza, the thing was quite massive. so of course this makes me happy. my first bite and i could taste the richness of the thick tomato-y sauce. then the layer of the sausage, cheese and veggies mix in together. and not too many people like pizza crust, this is not me. the crust was crunchy and crispy. i absolutely loved it. overall i was beyond happy that i finally made into this place. i am a pizza fanatic, seriously i can have it like 2-3x a week and never be bored of it. but this pizza is a new level of pizza making. i won't call it gourmet because this pizza is not pretentious, it's inviting. except it's different, tasty and rich with fresh ingredients. this is a big recommend. so i ate about 3 slices and saved the rest for leftovers for P.
after all the sights and food, it was time to go home. me and my boxed pizza walked over to the subway station and took the train home. as i walk out of the station and headed towards my car. i remembered that i still had one more place to visit, the nail salon. a perfect way to end the day, a relaxing mani/pedi.
i truly suggest that everyone takes at least one day to themselves, do whatever you want. my goal was to see places i hadn't in a long time, relax, take my time and eat. and i did just that. you would think that i would be exhausted from all this running around, but truth be told i was refreshed. i needed this time strictly to myself. and if a thought of "oh my goodness, i forgot this or that" entered my mind, i kindly reminded myself that it could wait till my day was over. it was liberating.
this day was the fresh breath of air that was much needed. it was perfection.
i planned a couple of things but for the most part i just went with the flow. i did exactly what i wanted - no interruptions.
i ordered breakfast at one of my fave spanish bakeries. but i don't go in there for the typical spanish breakfast, pan, (pan is for us what muffins are for americans. except pan is much larger and sweeter. most people dip their pan in their coffee. soggy goodness.) i go in for a torta. mmmmm....torta. this is something that i surely can't eat everyday, unless of course i want to work out and we know that's not gonna happen. so i enjoy a torta every now and again. a torta is basically a sandwich, but better. it's on freshly baked bread - more like a mini loaf - with mayo, shredded cheese, sliced avocado, lettuce, tomato, jalapenos, and your choice of ham, chicken or beef. and finally the sandwich is grilled.
the bread is a mix of soft inside with the crunchy just grilled exterior. the cheese melts into the mayo. the avocado and tomato mix together into a veggie galore. this "sandwich" makes your mouth water and biting into it is a little bit of food goodness. food that makes you dance a little when you eat it.
i took my breakfast sandwich and drove over to one of the local parks. i sat, ate and watched the birds dance in the sky. my favorite part of the morning at the park is the silence. people glanced at each other with mild smiles. you hear the soft passing of cars. the birds chirping. the soft breeze. the morning is still wet and slightly cool. the sun hides shyly behind small clouds. perfection.
after the quiet, almost meditative breakfast. i head over to the subway. i park my car and decide that if i will be traveling to various parts of the city, going on the train is my best option.
sometimes letting someone else take you to your destination is relieving. all you have to worry about is getting off and on the right stops. growing up in the city, you learned to ride the train before you knew how to ride a bike. it's just something everyone did. owning a car was rendered useless. of course, once my family moved to maryland, that no car concept changed. i rarely ever take the train. so it was enjoyable taking a seat and reading a book.
dc is great because of all the places that there are to see. and if it isn't a place there's always an event. seriously if you ever see the tourism site for dc there's something to do every single day and night! having a dull day is almost impossible. i also believe that its a borderline sin if you live in or near the city and have not seen any of the historic sites, monuments or museums!
i visit my favorite museums at least once or twice a year - they are always changing the exhibits. however, there was one that i hadn't visited in quite some time. the National Museum of Natural History. as a child this was the first museum my mom took me to and it changed my whole concept of life. you know that the world is large and vast but coming here made me realized how great this world is and how immense knowledge is. it boggled my mind and forever changed me. this place was the foundation for my drive and thirst for knowledge. this place truly changed me and coming here was like meeting up with an old friend. and i always feel like i'm going on a expedition when i enter this place!
after spending a couple of hours here, i finally decided that i wouldn't be able to see the whole place but that i would return another day. i walked out to one of the food stands, bought a Nathan's hot dog and coke. i picked out a nice shaded spot under a tree, laid my jacket over the grass, sat down and enjoyed the view and food.
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| This view can't be beat - the Capitol on the left - the Smithsonian in the center - and the Monument on the right |
After a nice break, i decided to go shopping! Yes, shopping! Seriously, am a woman how could i resist the temptation of shopping. A couple of hours later and a few new items, i went to one place that i've been trying to go to for some time but never had the time, District of Pi. i had passed this place dozens of time and it's hard to ignore it and the wonderful, tasty aroma seeping through the doors. However, until me day, i never had the time to go in. so needless to say i was rather excited to finally get a chance to try the pizza.
I was immediately offered a seat either at the bar or table. I wanted to relax and enjoy so I sat at a table. My waitress was so helpful and attentive. i had the Caesar salad and the south side classico pizza. this big portion of salad was tasty and full of creamy Caesar dressing. but of course my main purpose for this visit was the pizza. when this deep dish pizza was placed on my table, i knew immediately that i wanted to eat all of it but i wouldn't be able to. firstly i ate my entire salad and even though i ordered the regular size pizza, the thing was quite massive. so of course this makes me happy. my first bite and i could taste the richness of the thick tomato-y sauce. then the layer of the sausage, cheese and veggies mix in together. and not too many people like pizza crust, this is not me. the crust was crunchy and crispy. i absolutely loved it. overall i was beyond happy that i finally made into this place. i am a pizza fanatic, seriously i can have it like 2-3x a week and never be bored of it. but this pizza is a new level of pizza making. i won't call it gourmet because this pizza is not pretentious, it's inviting. except it's different, tasty and rich with fresh ingredients. this is a big recommend. so i ate about 3 slices and saved the rest for leftovers for P.
after all the sights and food, it was time to go home. me and my boxed pizza walked over to the subway station and took the train home. as i walk out of the station and headed towards my car. i remembered that i still had one more place to visit, the nail salon. a perfect way to end the day, a relaxing mani/pedi.
i truly suggest that everyone takes at least one day to themselves, do whatever you want. my goal was to see places i hadn't in a long time, relax, take my time and eat. and i did just that. you would think that i would be exhausted from all this running around, but truth be told i was refreshed. i needed this time strictly to myself. and if a thought of "oh my goodness, i forgot this or that" entered my mind, i kindly reminded myself that it could wait till my day was over. it was liberating.
this day was the fresh breath of air that was much needed. it was perfection.
5.21.2013
"Hell" Week.
Every year for the past few years, once a week in April, I experience my "hell" week. When I say "hell" I joke of course...sorta!
It all starts on the 21st - my darling sister's birthday. Then comes the 23rd - my ever so precious niece's birthday. And lastly on the 25th - my cutie pie of a niece's birthday. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, you did count three! Three birthdays...in one week!
In all seriousness, I'm happy that I get to partake of the madness of celebrating all these birthdays in one week. But it can become chaotic and not to mention exhausting. After everything is said and done all you want is a beer...a few beers.
Here are some pictures of the week. And happy birthday to my little ladies!
My little sister, who of course is not so little anymore. I was told that when you were a baby I guarded you like a hawk would guard its prey. As we and our relationship developed, the bond broke. I thought for so long that I would never truly get to know you. But time changed us again. And we had no choice but to grow together. And now I couldn't imagine my life without you. You are the energy, the sound, and the balls of my life! I am so proud of how far you come! And love how you are who you want to be without a care of anyone else's concern. I love you!
My Bey. I could on and on about why you are so important and precious to me, but there wouldn't be enough time in this world. You and you only taught me what love is. It is eternal and instant. It does not judge, it only cares and cherishes. My life would not be complete without you. And when I see you, I still see that baby with pretty curls and the smile that brighten up my world. I love you more than life itself.
Brit-Brat! My little doll! I never expected you. You have added so much joy and tears to all our lives. You are one of the sweetest, kindest and smartest kid I know. And sometimes you surprised me with things you say and make look at you in awe - you are truly wise beyond your little years.
It all starts on the 21st - my darling sister's birthday. Then comes the 23rd - my ever so precious niece's birthday. And lastly on the 25th - my cutie pie of a niece's birthday. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, you did count three! Three birthdays...in one week!
In all seriousness, I'm happy that I get to partake of the madness of celebrating all these birthdays in one week. But it can become chaotic and not to mention exhausting. After everything is said and done all you want is a beer...a few beers.
Here are some pictures of the week. And happy birthday to my little ladies!
My little sister, who of course is not so little anymore. I was told that when you were a baby I guarded you like a hawk would guard its prey. As we and our relationship developed, the bond broke. I thought for so long that I would never truly get to know you. But time changed us again. And we had no choice but to grow together. And now I couldn't imagine my life without you. You are the energy, the sound, and the balls of my life! I am so proud of how far you come! And love how you are who you want to be without a care of anyone else's concern. I love you!
My Bey. I could on and on about why you are so important and precious to me, but there wouldn't be enough time in this world. You and you only taught me what love is. It is eternal and instant. It does not judge, it only cares and cherishes. My life would not be complete without you. And when I see you, I still see that baby with pretty curls and the smile that brighten up my world. I love you more than life itself.
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| Bey with her Birthday Sprinkles Cupcakes!!! Yummy! |
Brit-Brat! My little doll! I never expected you. You have added so much joy and tears to all our lives. You are one of the sweetest, kindest and smartest kid I know. And sometimes you surprised me with things you say and make look at you in awe - you are truly wise beyond your little years.
Missing Out.
the problem I have is that I over analyze every detail. sometimes I go over one thing over and over again or sometimes I am so caught up on one thing that I miss out on other things.
i must stop this. --- as i type this i'm trying so hard not to go back over all the non-capitalized 'i'
there are times that i get so consumed with work that i don't have enough time for say...my boyfriend, my family, my friends or even typing up a new blog post. and then there are times, that i'm working so hard on this blog (over analyzing every detail) that I miss out on what's going on at home.
i must find a happy medium.
so i will try my best to type about my experiences and if i don't share about a couple of things here and there, i will try not to beat myself up about it. i will stop holding onto rough drafts of my posts...seriously. and i will live my life and stop missing it.
ps. sorry to all my English teachers --- the next few posts will have all sorts of errors.
i must stop this. --- as i type this i'm trying so hard not to go back over all the non-capitalized 'i'
there are times that i get so consumed with work that i don't have enough time for say...my boyfriend, my family, my friends or even typing up a new blog post. and then there are times, that i'm working so hard on this blog (over analyzing every detail) that I miss out on what's going on at home.
i must find a happy medium.
so i will try my best to type about my experiences and if i don't share about a couple of things here and there, i will try not to beat myself up about it. i will stop holding onto rough drafts of my posts...seriously. and i will live my life and stop missing it.
ps. sorry to all my English teachers --- the next few posts will have all sorts of errors.
5.06.2013
Annual Easter Party.
Sorry it took so long to get this up! I tried a couple of times while I had some free time at work but the pictures weren't loading right! It's rather way beyond Easter but....
As I mentioned in one of my previous posts, me and my family have an annual Easter party/egg hunt. It's really fun for the kiddos and a nice way to reconnect with the family.
We all have so much going on and we don't get to see each other as often as we would like. My family is constantly growing and changing and small gatherings like this help us stay tuned in to each other.
Anyways, here our some pictures of the decor and stuff. Fortunately, I was having too much fun to take pictures of us all playing, eating, and talking!
As I mentioned in one of my previous posts, me and my family have an annual Easter party/egg hunt. It's really fun for the kiddos and a nice way to reconnect with the family.
We all have so much going on and we don't get to see each other as often as we would like. My family is constantly growing and changing and small gatherings like this help us stay tuned in to each other.
Anyways, here our some pictures of the decor and stuff. Fortunately, I was having too much fun to take pictures of us all playing, eating, and talking!
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| The "Happy Easter" banner |
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| Mini Cupcakes with the Bunny Picks |
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| The kids table - bubbles, coloring books w/basket, and those blowie things. |
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| Center piece - Great idea from Pinterest |
4.24.2013
Dating my Best Friend.
One of the negatives of constantly moving around is that well...you don't keep too many friends around. And this was always the case for me growing up. I was lucky if my mom decided to stay 3 years in one spot, but after that it was a new place, new school and new friends. That is until I moved to Maryland. This is the one spot that actually stuck.
I started high school in MD and was lucky that I got to be done with it in the same school. I meet a lot of new and great people, but the one that lasted was my friendship with T. We met in our drama class and instantly became attached at the hip. This in all was something new to me, a best friend.
I'll be the first to admit, that one of my most horrible flaws is that I'm not such a great friend. I forget things, miss the obvious signs of "help me please", and I don't call as much as I should. Trust me it's something I'm working on.
So anyways, yes, having one singular person that I called my best friend was truly new to me. She was the first friend that ever slept at my house and the first person that my mother allowed me to sleep over their house. And if you know anything about a Latino household - this is totally a big deal! I shared things with her that I had never even told anyone. We dreamed of graduating high school and moving to New York to become big time actresses. This was the girl who would be in my wedding. And that our future children would be best friends, like us.
Of course, sometimes life has another plan for you and things don't always plan out as dreamed. But the one thing that did, was our friendship and it was stronger than ever. Yes, we had our fights but for the most part because I tended to get angry over small things and did I mention that I can be a bit of a bad friend, well...those fights were usually started by me. But sooner or later, we would make up and go on as if nothing ever happened.
We ended up being roommates, coworkers (in another field), and eventually sister in laws. Yes, sister in laws. At heart she was always like my sister but life had that the love of her life was also my brother. (I told you life works in funny ways) Granted at first, having my best friend date my younger brother, how do I say this, was gross, but then I realized that T loved him. And how could I not understand. We had already overcome so many things together and calling her my official sister was the greatest feeling.
But again, life happens. Needless to say, our bond of eternal sisterhood was abruptly ended by my brother. Without going into too many details, because after all it is very personal information of someone else...the marriage between T and my brother did not last. And things got really crazy, really fast and it ultimately ended our friendship.
Nearly two years went by and almost no contact between the two of us.
I had experienced heartbreak before. I had my first love tell me that he didn't love me back. Another, broke my trust in a very hurtful way, that caused me to question motives of future relationships. I've had my heart broken and knew the pain and anguish of it. But never did I experience such pain and hurt and heart break over a friendship. Honestly, I didn't even know that that was possible.
I missed her terribly. I lost my kinder soul.
I would sometimes think of her and cry. I wanted to call her so many times but I couldn't. I wanted to tell her that I was sorry. That I should have been there for her. That I was sorry for being such a bad person and a bad friend to her, which she didn't deserve. But I couldn't. I thought that it was done and beyond repair. And that I would only be reminding her of her pain and I wouldn't be allowing her to move on.
One day all the feeling that I had buried inside of me for almost two years became unbearable. So I decided to send a Facebook message. I apologized. I told her how much she really means to me. And that her friendship was truly unlike any other I had ever had. And that I appreciated her.
Sending her that message was probably the best thing that I could have ever done. And I know for her to response to my message was very difficult for her. But this message opened the door for us.
We messaged back and forth - pretty much pouring our hearts to one another. I was happy to hear that she missed me too. And I was comforted with knowing that our friendship, our bond is a strong one.
After some time of messaging each other, we finally exchanged numbers and started texting each other. We started catching up on each other's lives. And after a couple of months of texts, we finally decided to meet up.
It was like meeting someone new, so you're excited but nervous. Seeing her again, was like I had found my missing piece. And I could breathe again.
It was also odd and funny in a way because it felt like I was dating her. Slowly communicating before you finally decide to meet up. And in a way it was like dating her. Getting to know each other (again) and finally deciding if the "pursuit" is worth a chance.
I know that things have changed, people grow. It's not exactly how it once was, but it's definitively a work in progress. And I know we both care about one another and we'll probably be right where we left off, just on another path, together.
I didn't realize how important a friendship is. We get so caught up in our lives: work, relationships, personal issues, and family, that sometimes we neglect to make those important friendships a priority as well. These relationships that our outside of our families also mold us into the people we become. They are a reflection of ourselves.
I thought for so long that I had lost her and the most important friendship that I had ever had. That I would never get to speak to her again. I'm glad that I was wrong. I'm glad that I put my pride and fear to the side and opened that door. I am so glad that she decided that our friendship was important to her too.
I started high school in MD and was lucky that I got to be done with it in the same school. I meet a lot of new and great people, but the one that lasted was my friendship with T. We met in our drama class and instantly became attached at the hip. This in all was something new to me, a best friend.
I'll be the first to admit, that one of my most horrible flaws is that I'm not such a great friend. I forget things, miss the obvious signs of "help me please", and I don't call as much as I should. Trust me it's something I'm working on.
So anyways, yes, having one singular person that I called my best friend was truly new to me. She was the first friend that ever slept at my house and the first person that my mother allowed me to sleep over their house. And if you know anything about a Latino household - this is totally a big deal! I shared things with her that I had never even told anyone. We dreamed of graduating high school and moving to New York to become big time actresses. This was the girl who would be in my wedding. And that our future children would be best friends, like us.
Of course, sometimes life has another plan for you and things don't always plan out as dreamed. But the one thing that did, was our friendship and it was stronger than ever. Yes, we had our fights but for the most part because I tended to get angry over small things and did I mention that I can be a bit of a bad friend, well...those fights were usually started by me. But sooner or later, we would make up and go on as if nothing ever happened.
We ended up being roommates, coworkers (in another field), and eventually sister in laws. Yes, sister in laws. At heart she was always like my sister but life had that the love of her life was also my brother. (I told you life works in funny ways) Granted at first, having my best friend date my younger brother, how do I say this, was gross, but then I realized that T loved him. And how could I not understand. We had already overcome so many things together and calling her my official sister was the greatest feeling.
But again, life happens. Needless to say, our bond of eternal sisterhood was abruptly ended by my brother. Without going into too many details, because after all it is very personal information of someone else...the marriage between T and my brother did not last. And things got really crazy, really fast and it ultimately ended our friendship.
Nearly two years went by and almost no contact between the two of us.
I had experienced heartbreak before. I had my first love tell me that he didn't love me back. Another, broke my trust in a very hurtful way, that caused me to question motives of future relationships. I've had my heart broken and knew the pain and anguish of it. But never did I experience such pain and hurt and heart break over a friendship. Honestly, I didn't even know that that was possible.
I missed her terribly. I lost my kinder soul.
I would sometimes think of her and cry. I wanted to call her so many times but I couldn't. I wanted to tell her that I was sorry. That I should have been there for her. That I was sorry for being such a bad person and a bad friend to her, which she didn't deserve. But I couldn't. I thought that it was done and beyond repair. And that I would only be reminding her of her pain and I wouldn't be allowing her to move on.
One day all the feeling that I had buried inside of me for almost two years became unbearable. So I decided to send a Facebook message. I apologized. I told her how much she really means to me. And that her friendship was truly unlike any other I had ever had. And that I appreciated her.
Sending her that message was probably the best thing that I could have ever done. And I know for her to response to my message was very difficult for her. But this message opened the door for us.
We messaged back and forth - pretty much pouring our hearts to one another. I was happy to hear that she missed me too. And I was comforted with knowing that our friendship, our bond is a strong one.
After some time of messaging each other, we finally exchanged numbers and started texting each other. We started catching up on each other's lives. And after a couple of months of texts, we finally decided to meet up.
It was like meeting someone new, so you're excited but nervous. Seeing her again, was like I had found my missing piece. And I could breathe again.
It was also odd and funny in a way because it felt like I was dating her. Slowly communicating before you finally decide to meet up. And in a way it was like dating her. Getting to know each other (again) and finally deciding if the "pursuit" is worth a chance.
I know that things have changed, people grow. It's not exactly how it once was, but it's definitively a work in progress. And I know we both care about one another and we'll probably be right where we left off, just on another path, together.
I didn't realize how important a friendship is. We get so caught up in our lives: work, relationships, personal issues, and family, that sometimes we neglect to make those important friendships a priority as well. These relationships that our outside of our families also mold us into the people we become. They are a reflection of ourselves.
I thought for so long that I had lost her and the most important friendship that I had ever had. That I would never get to speak to her again. I'm glad that I was wrong. I'm glad that I put my pride and fear to the side and opened that door. I am so glad that she decided that our friendship was important to her too.
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